Doctor Boosh
by thegingerwhowaited
Summary: The TARDIS is travelin', and mindin' it's own business, until it's mysteriously nudged by a mysterious thing into Dalston. But why? And the winner of the best summary ever goes to...


The Doctor was relaxing (for once!) on the plush, overstuffed couch with the last Harry Potter book. He was currently re-reading it for the third time that day, and was to the part where Harry and Hermione went to Godric's Hollow. _No, no, Harry! Don't do it! It's all a trick! HARRY! DON'T-_

"Aye! Move yer lazy bum over so I could watch Big Brother!" screeched Rose, who was balancing a bowl of crisps, the remote, and a tall glass of lemonade.

"Touchy are we?" he muttered as he moved over to make room for Rose on the couch.

Rose shot him a look.

"What was that?"

The Doctor knew all too well that anymore cheekiness would lead to a legendary Tyler slap…and there was no way he'd be holding a bag of frozen peas to his face…again…

_Oh dear…She's waiting for an answer, isn't she? Umm…_

"Nothing! Harry just said that to Hermione, and I was re-enacting it!"

"Sure," she replied with a sarcastic smirk as she put on channel four.

Just as the theme was starting up, the screen blacked out.

"Hmmm…that's funny," she murmured, "Doctor?"

The Doctor, however, wasn't listening. Something was wrong. His mind took off at 100 miles per hour trying to see what was happening. If he was correct, in 5...4...3...2...1...

**BAM.**

Something hit the TARDIS with a tremendous force, and sent it veering off to the far right of the time vortex. An alarm sounded.

"Allons-y!" The Doctor chirped excitedly as he flipped off the couch and headed towards the control room.

"Doctor, wha's goin' on?" yelped Rose, following him.

"We're on mauve alert!" he announced to no one in particular.

"What? Doctor, what's going on?"

He ignored her and continued to frantically press buttons.

"Doctor?"

"Wha- Oh! Something hit the TARDIS, and now we're toppling through the time vortex quite quickly!" he explained rather calmly.

Another siren sounded.

He ran back over and started pressing the buttons on the right side of the panel anxiously. After a few minutes, he slammed his hand down angrily on one of the buttons.

"Rassilon! The TARDIS locked me out!"

He pulled his hands through his hair and started pacing while Rose looked on with concern on her face. He never used the R word.

"What are we going to do?" she cried.

The Doctor shrugged.

Suddenly, the TARDIS began shuddering violently.

_Oh, that's DEFINITELY not good._

Out of instinct, he grabbed Rose into squeezed her into a protective position. At this point, he really could care less what signals he was sending to her, but in reality, though he could never tell her he loved her, he would do anything to keep her safe. Rose embraced him tighter as another large bang exploded not far from where she and The Doctor were sitting wordlessly on the metal grating, awaiting their fate. With a final loud bang, they appeared to have landed.

"Thank you God!" Rose mumbled into his chest.

The thing is, neither of them felt like moving.

A small knock from the outside interrupted their embrace.

"Well, let's go see where we are," he directed, diverting his eyes from her.

He opened the door.

"Ahhh, Dalston!"

* * *

Vince Noir was seriously bored. He was so sick of sitting in the Nabootique with absolutely nothing to do.

_I need to get out of here._

Besides, his outfit today was too brilliant to just work in. No no, this was the mirror ball suit. _**The**_ mirror ball suit. The only alteration he made to it was just removing the hood. Not only that, but he was having an amazing hair day.

_So…what to do? Well, I could screw up the paperclips in Stationary Village and see how long it takes Howard to notice. Well, at least until I could get out of here. Maybe I could even beat my record! _

(His current record was two minutes…well, thirty seconds if you don't count the minute and a half that Howard wasn't actually there.)

_Well, I have nothing else to do…_

He grabbed a paperclip while whistling "Fame" (No, not the musical theme, you twit! The David Bowie song!) as he threw it on the floor. He was about to get the second verse (Wow, almost a minute! Excellent!) when Howard popped in the room.

"Alright, what's amiss?"

"What are you talkin' 'bout?" Vince replied innocently.

"No, there's something…Okay, pick up the paperclip!" Howard demanded.

"What paperclip?"

"**That **paperclip!" cried Howard, pointing to a neon yellow paperclip near Vince's boot.

"It's just a paperclip!"

"But it belongs in the Paperclip Palace! He's a royal paperclip, and you've kidnapped him! Now how will Stationary Village function?! You are a kingdom wrecker, Vince!"

"Well, he asked for it, bein' yellow and all!"

"Oh, so now you're racist against yellow paperclips?"

"Get stuffed!"

"You can't tell me what to do! I'm a man of action!"

"If you're a man of action, then I'm a pelican," teased Vince.

"Well I hope you like tuna, my friend, because I am a man of action!"

"Well…tuna salad is rather nice," Vince informed him.

Howard sighed and rolled his eyes, and Vince took this as his cue to exit.

"Where are you going to then? Your shift isn't even done yet!"

"Topshop!" Vince announced as he walked out the door, "Gonna go get some new accessories! The Mocker look is totally in right now!"

"Mocker look?" Howard pondered.

"MOD ROCK-AHHHHH!"

_Wow, Vince must have sonar hearing! _Howard thought to himself.

_Topshop, Topshop, I'm going to Topshop to get some more tops! _Vince hummed to himself.

_Yeah, that crimp DEFINITELY needs work. And two people to sing it._

Luckily for Vince, the Nabootique was actually quite close to the local Topshop. It was even closer when he took the secret shortcut through the dark and spooky alley a few buildings down.

Since it was cloudy, the alley was even darker then it usually was. That would probably explain why Vince walked head on into a big…thing.

_Ouch! … What is that?_

He rubbed his nose with one hand as he pulled his cell phone out with his other to see exactly what he walked into. It was a blue box.

_Since when was that there? What is this thing? What's a police call box?_

Suddenly, he heard muffled voices inside of it. A man and some chick. Time for Detective Noir to go on duty! Within seconds, Vince pulled on a trench coat, a hat with a feather in it, and a pipe.

_Hah, I knew the Sherlock Holmes look would be coming in! It was either the Mocker look, or the Sherlock Holmes one! _

He hid patiently behind the box as the door opened.

"Ahhh, Dalston!" the man announced triumphantly.

"Wha's so great 'bout Dalston?" questioned the girl.

"Nothing, really, just…well, it ain't Skor!"

_Skor? What the hell is that?_

"C'mon, let's go see what nudged the TARDIS here for!"

As the girl and guy walked off, Vince couldn't help but be confused.

_What's/Where's Skor? What's a TARDIS? How could two people fit in that thing? Is that sale still going on? Did they put those fab boots I've been after on clearance yet?_

So many questions, so little time.


End file.
